Life's a pitch
What's the difference between a sporting pitch and an unsporting one? Simple, the location
As I write this first ever post of The Fanarchist Cookbook, India’s closed the second day of the second test versus England, and have come decidedly on top of things. A lot of people are unhappy.
The problem? Well, it’s the pitch that’s made things a little uncomfortable. Mostly because it’s a bit of a dynamite, a dust bowl. A far cry from the lovely meadow, fit for horses to graze on, that several teams are used to playing with in home conditions. An envious shade of green that will have seamers smacking their lips in delight at.
Image credit: BCCI
Leading the charge were former England captain Michael Vaughan and Mark ‘Junior’ Waugh who were genuinely flummoxed to see a bit of a spinner haven. In India. The home country for this series.
And thus this made me abandon a beautiful love letter I was writing to my newest boo (Bruno Fernandes, for those who don’t know about my heart-eye-emoji face when I see him play) to talk about this annoying topic this week.
While this controversy brews, I’m reminded of a rather pedestrian – but extremely on point – meme that’s become popular in the recent days. “Twaada kutta Tommy, saada kutta kutta?” Why exactly is it considered ‘competitive’ when Team India is invited to play on seam-friendly green top wickets but have an issue when spin-friendly conditions (that go both way, mind) are presented when they’re guest starring here?
“Are we the baddies?”
My good friend Mr Narci wants us to call it for what it is:
I tend to agree, at least mildly.
Let me take you back to what was only weeks ago but seems like a whole different year altogether. The test and triumph at The Gabba. The Indian cricket team, with an injury team longer than that of fit players left in the original squad, taking guard with painkillers and bandages holding them up.
At one point, the joke went that the support staff would have to kit up and take the field. But messers Pujara, Sharma, Rahane, and Pant took balls screaming in at insane paces to their bodies and scraped their way to what could well be considered one of Indian cricket team’s grittiest wins.
And not once did we hear about how the pitch was unsporting and could’ve taken some heads off.
Spinning a nonsensical web
No seriously, someone could’ve died.
But in the run up to tours of countries like Australia, you see articles and pundits talking about how it’s the ultimate test for big names to prove their worth and a real trial by fire for up and coming stars. Rishabh Pant was the find of the tour the last time India played in Australia, and he immediately promoted himself to the first category this trip down under.
In part, winning this trial by fire comes by proving your worth on seam-friendly pitches that bounce like they’re out to murder you at about 100mph. That’s it, that’s the test.
Being able to score a ton and have your names forever etched on the boards that hang in the corridors of Lord’s is a test.
But rank turners that favor spin bowlers is a big issue.
And that’s kind of the bottomline isn’t it. Simply because Moeen Ali and Jack Leach were unable to control the run of play after a certain point, or that Indian spinners were making the most of the conditions, doesn’t make it unsporting.
More so, consider that in the post-Covid world, it’s par for the course for at least two games being played in the same venue. There’s only this much you can expect of the pitch. The truth is that the pitch had started turning towards the end of the first match, but it was all fun and games because England were running away with the match.
Luckily, international spinners called this agenda out for what it was. Utter nonsense.
The bottomline
As one of my favorite cricket writers Jarrod Kimber puts it, “We're all English and Australian with how we look at cricket.” And we’re kind of sick of hearing about unfavorable conditions like they only exist when teams tour the subcontinent.
Spinning pitches aren’t doctored. Not every pitch has to be a greentop. Not every pitch will work for batsmen. And most of all, home conditions will favor the home team; it’s literally in the name.
I don’t know what will happen with this match as I write this post, but there’s a good chance we suspect an India win is on the cards. But this is definitely not the last time – even on this tour – we’ve heard of pitches being ‘unsporting’ or ‘doctored’. And to be honest, no one cares.
Very well written! Agree 100% with everything you've said here. If the pitch favours spin then that applies to both the teams. It's not only the Indian team who have spinners 🤷🏻♂️
Wonder if we'll get a quick peek at that love letter to our Portuguese Magnifico especially after yesterday's volley!
ZIDANE-esque